These past two days have been horrible. whats even worse was waiting, waiting for nothing to happen. it’s cold sitting here in the isolated, uncomfortable room with lost souls filling the air.

the sounds of people coming and leaving this place made it even harder for me to move. all i could do was just sit there, run my fingers through my hair with fustration and wonder “why me? why us?” i was in shock, i couldn’t even move my feet they were that numb. my throat was dry, and my eyes were sore. why do the worst things in life come free to us?

 looking up from the floor, i see small children running down the hall, especially one particular child. running and laughing, care free from the world of bad luck and misery. she was racing her brother i assumed, and as he dashed in front of her, the poor girl had fallen to the ground. her brother kept soaring north, and the child looked around hopeless. I sighed.

“are you ok, darling?” i whispered to her. she gazed up at me and nodded. “i’m fine,” she started, whispering back as well. “i think i might made a boo-boo though.” not only did her words bring a small smile to my face, but so did her beautiful, little childish voice. “really? is that so?” she nodded again, and that was then i walked over to her and picked her up. “come here, you!” 

i picked the lost child up and played with her, tickling her under her arms, hearing the sound of her angelic giggles. “where’s your boo-boo gorgeous?” she just smiled and pointed to her elbow. “here!” i adjusted her to fit properly in my arms, and i then laid a precious, small and soft kiss on her elbow. “is the boo-boo gone?” i whispered to her again, realising the Doctor from across the hall was giving me an uneasy, considerable look. “it sure is, thank you!” the little girl had then reached up and pulled my hair. “your curls are soft, sir!” i then let out a small chuckle. “what? you think i’m old? i’m only 18 sweetheart!” i started to tickle her again, and then her mother entered the hallway, holding hands with her son.

“Lindsay! their you are love! Oh my goodness, i was so worried about you!” her mother started to pace over towards us and i gently placed Lindsay down. “It’s alright, she’s safe. she just had a small ‘boo-boo’” i mocked, talking softly to her mother. “Oh, thank you for looking after her! it’s just, one minute they were their, and the next, both of them were gone!” she exaggerated. “Kids… maybe one day when you have them you’ll understand.”

her sentence had then broke my heart possibly even more. i forced a small smile. “yeah.. one day..” i mumbled. i turned around and faced the floor, ready to wait for nothing again. “wait! can i have one more hug?” i spun around slowly to see Lindsay smiling at me with those sparkling, blue eyes of hers. i did all i could to not break down. “sure.” she had then raced over, and i kneeled down, ready for her hug. once we started to hug, i made sure it was a tight one. a hug to make sure she felt safe and secure, a hug that she would always smile with, a hug that would bring her many joys in her life, as well as a kiss on her cheek. i was overreacting, and the child just blushed when we broke apart. “go” i whispered to her, another small smile across her face. 

as lindsay ran back to her mother and brother, the rest of the boys had then walked in. “Harry..” Louis started. the boys didn’t need to say anymore. I’m sure paul had already told the news to them. I sat back down in my seat, and the lads sat down around me. zayn and liam were by my side, patting my back and niall and louis were on the floor, trying to find ways of cheering me up. “so, harry.. if you’re up for it, maybe we could go to nando’s and-“

“not now, niall.” liam had said sternly. even though my face was resting on my hands, that were resting on my lap, i could tell niall’s facial expression was hurt. “no, it’s okay liam” i answered back, just loud enough so they all could hear me. “how long has it been?” zayn had asked. tears were starting to form in my eyes. before i could say anything, the doctor came up to us. “harry, we would like to speak to you.” he politely said. the boys and i gave each other looks, and off i went.

I entered the hospital room, and soon enough the boys were right behind me. when walking in, the first thing that grabbed my attention was my beautiful girlfriend. just lying in the hospital bed finally awake and smiling that small, beautiful smiles of hers, eyeing me as i sat down next to her. i grabbed her hand and kissed it, looking at her carefully and warm, the look i would give her to know that things would work out, and that it would be okay.

the boys stayed at the back of the room, eyeing the three of us with curiosity and hope. the doctor had then began to talk. “i’m sorry.. but, it’s bad news. much worse.” he paused so he could let us take a quick moment to prepare for this awful news. “it’s your baby,” he said as he looked at me, and then to my concerned girlfriend. “it seem’s as if the child inside of you gave up.” he didn’t have to say anymore. we understood what he clearly meant. niall and liam started sniffling a bit, and louis and zayn from the corner of my eye started to hug, all of them trying to not make such loud noises. “it didn’t want to, but it did.. i’m sorry to inform the both of you, that you’ve had a miscarraige.” 

it didn’t matter, all of us couldn’t hold it in anymore. the boys started make crying noises that echoed through the room, and she then started to cry quietly, trying to hold back those tears of hers, as much as she could. “but don’t beat yourself about it to much you two, you’re only 18 after all. these things sadly do happen, but it’s life. you just have to keep trying.” he continued on, trying to make the news lighter than it was. but it wasn’t. our world just fell apart. “i’ll let you all be alone for a few minutes.” the doctor had then got up and left.

as he closed the door, my lady had then started crying loudly. clenching her fist together onto the bed, repeating to herself the same thing. “why me? why us?” i leaned over and kissed her forehead, and wiped away some of her tears. “thats life, darling. we did all we could.” a tear had then streamed down my face, and then i couldn’t hold it in anymore. “excuse me.” i say to everyone as i rushed out of the room.

just like the two children before, i ran down the hall and was about to exit the place. i stopped though, i couldn’t leave them all. i was so angry and upset and confused about everything. i took out all of my feelings at a bin, kicking and throwing it around the place. swearing for the whole world to hear. “FUCK THIS, FUCK THAT, FUCK EVERYTHING!” Doctors and nurses raced out of their areas, and grabbed hold of me. “sir, you need to calm down-“

“FUCK OFF, I JUST LOST MY CHILD!” I raged, pushing everyone off me. ‘IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A GIRL. DARCY, BEAUTIFUL, LITTLE DARCY! SHE WOULD HAVE MY HAIR AND HER MOTHERS EYES. BUT NO, SHE WAS TAKEN AWAY! JUST 4 MONTHS BEFORE SHE WAS BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD!!” all of them had backed up, and they didn’t know what to say. they stared at me apologetically, their eyes were filled with empathy. “It’s not fair!” I say as i started to break down. I eyed them all one last time and turned around, seeing her there. Her eyes filled with surrow and pain, not from the loss of Darcy, but my pain she was seeing. she raised her arms out.

“come here” she mumbled through her tears. I paced towards her and held onto her tightly, never wanting to let her go. “i love you” i whispered to her. “i love you, i love you, i love you” all over again. i kissed her on her cheeks, her foreheard, her nose, her lips and then stared into her beautiful eyes. i carefully touched her stomach and kissed that as well. the boys had then caught up to us.

“you’ll never just be a small bump to us, darling.”